I have so much to achieve still but believe me, I have
lived. If the world stopped spinning the clock stopped ticking and time froze
to signal the end. I would be happy I would be free of the chains of life that
I like many others have been tied with.
Earlier I said I have not achieved much yet, and true I have
not, but the only actual thing I really want to achieve is instilling pride in
the lives of those that have helped me grow from my despair and those that have
made me the individual I am today, if that happens and I was given an “end the
world button to keep” do not be mistaken because I could press it any day for I
have lived with no regrets and done to the peak of my abilities. You wonder,
why he is not afraid of death, I am not afraid because all of this might just
disappear someday… I am not afraid
because I have thought it, and accepted it long before you started questioning
existence. Oh I have also lived for not so long but I surely have a lifetime’s
story to tell with the chapters I have written in my time of existence.
I am not afraid of the end. I have had the love of a woman, so strong, passionate, that love that makes you think of everything that surrounds you with a subliminal reflection of her. I have gone to bed thinking of her and waking up to the memory and hope that she is fine just as she was when I was dreaming of her and her painstaking beauty. I have held her in her time of grief wiped away the tears as she shivered and cried all at once to days that were dark. I have kissed slowly, deeply and finally created a personal description for the taste of skin that is part of why I am not afraid for the world to end. I have enjoyed the company of a woman, of women too. I know how it feels like to be heartbroken, it first happened in the 4th grade, I can still recall how she never loved me enough but she liked my friend because he had a cooler bag, lunchbox and pencil case, but at that time only some would understand that the heart wants what it wants and it chooses what to deem beautiful and that time to her, that was of desire. I have conquered and broken hearts, ignited feelings in women, I have lived to be the potential comparable suitor of many and in the short infinities I became that, but it did not last. What change can the future bring that I have not seen with my experience with women. That is why I say I am not afraid.
I have been rebellious. I have taken so many risks I fail to
count the number of times my hotheadedness has left me with no friends or with
scorn from society on both my hands. Countless times I have been a patron of
trouble, the host for mischief and the conceiver of controversial
brainchildren. I remember a time in my 2 decade life when I refused to stand
down from a fight that was lost from the beginning, what was I thinking going
against a set of twins twice my height? I got the majestic beating that day,
but I put in my scores on the data sheet as well. My hard headedness has seen
admiration grow for me from some and others bred loathe for me, It still did
not stop me from always taking the other direction when everybody follow the
instructed right. I always took left, I guess it all started after I learned
that I learn best from my own mistakes and people are snakes that will strike
to the best of their convenience even if that may result in your downfall, it
is you and not them so the matter becomes of little consequence. I have always
been the black sheep in every class society has thrown me, whether it is for
the greater good, or if I was prime evil, I was always and will in some cases
still be public enemy number one. If I have lived life on the down side, I am
not afraid of the end you see.
I have been productive. With reference to the system that dictates that you need it to succeed I am in line though with obstacles here and there, I have managed to still be an academic and excel in with the education game. This system that forces us to think in a certain way I have taken by the neck and dragged through the sand in show of my victory dance, in spite of all the hardships I have faced over time I have emerged a warrior, though punished, not defeated. I have made associations with people whose minds vibrate on synonymous frequencies as mine. People with a passion for things that ignite my inner child, maybe there are more out there but for now I am content and if I must go happy I will for I had the chance to be a part of a world that boasted so many gifted individuals.
Ultimately, if the world were to end today, I would be satisfied
with what I have done, maybe not happy with how I have lived but I walked my
own path I painted my own portrait sang my own song, so I am happy,
conclusively of the future to come that shall still see the earth, may you
allow me to see more priceless sights, and give me memories I can take to the
next life that is promised, so I may say I lived, I had joy and I Conquered. The
end might just be near, think to yourself, how would you feel if a Higher power
told you it is near, what would you do that you did not DO?.
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